My “List of things that may happen to you when you're pregnant that nobody tells you about BEFORE you get pregnant.”

I'm now 3 months into being a first time mom. Over the months of pregnancy I ran across a few pregnancy related issues that NOBODY seems to talk about to non-pregnant women. All the pregnant women I've come across in my life talk about the morning sickness, the baby using your bladder as a trampoline, labor pains, post-baby lack of sleep, etc. Then, there are those women that gush “Being pregnant was the best thing in my life. I felt wonderful!” (And any woman who has ever had even the slightest bit of morning sickness, or other pregnancy related issues that left them feeling less than wonderful want to smash in the faces of those gushy, feel-good women!)

But then there are the aspects of pregnancy that you don't hear about until after you get pregnant, start experiencing them, and start asking “Is this normal?!?!?” And of course, your wiser, more experienced friends will assure you, yes it's normal. And you begin to think that all women who have been pregnant and have kept this information to themselves must be closet sadists, because surely nobody who has experienced this would willing to want to do it again, nor wish it on a friend, right?

So, starting chronologically with symptoms I experienced, here goes my “List of things that may happen to you when you're pregnant that nobody tells you about BEFORE you get pregnant.”

#1 – Changes in your boobs

This is one of the first things that I noticed that made me think “Hmm...I wonder if I'm pregnant.” All those hormones flowing through your body will typically do a couple noticeable things to your boobs in pretty short order after you get pregnant.

First, my boobs HURT! If you've ever experienced hormonal boob ache right before you get your period, you have a tiny idea what I'm talking about. My whole boob ached, was tender & sore, but the most sensitive area, nipples, caused pain beyond imagination if I wasn’t careful putting my bra on in the morning. And accidentally rolling over onto my stomach while trying to get comfortable enough to go to sleep made me want to curl up into a fetal position and cry. Fortunately, as my body got acclimated to the flood of hormones, the pain eventually subsided and I didn't have to act like my boobs were made out of eggshells every time I put on my bra!

Second, my boobs grew. A lot. This is, of course, the body preparing to produce sustenance for your unborn child. That's no surprise. The surprise is how FAST it happens. I think gained an entire cup size seemingly overnight. And with that size gain, my boobs also felt like they weighed a TON.

Third, my boobs began to look different. Not just size wise. As a woman's body makes more blood for baby, she gets veiny, and it shows best, you guessed it, on the boobs. Also, all those fun little hormones also bring changes to the nipples & areola, making them darker and larger.

#2 – Morning Sickness.

What, you may be asking? People talk about morning sickness all the time! Of course they do. What they don't do is explain the difference between morning sickness and, say, the stomach flu, which up to this point is the closest experience I had to morning sickness.

My morning sickness resembled the stomach flu in 1 way. I felt nauseous & threw up. If it's the stomach flu, at best you'll feel better in a couple hours, at worst you'll feel better in a few days. With morning sickness (the name itself is misleading) if you're lucky will pass in a couple MONTHS, if you're unlucky will last through the majority of your pregnancy (like one unfortunate lady I know). Don't be fooled. Morning sickness doesn't just strike in the morning. For me, like many women, a more apt description was “All-day-OMG-I'm-Going-to-Die-from-vomiting sickness”. Everything & nothing at all can trigger nausea. Certain smells, or foods, or, if you're really “lucky” just slight movement of your body can trigger the complete emptying of your stomach. For a short period during my bout with morning sickness, I could not drink plain water without immediately getting sick and for the entire 1^st trimester, eggs were no bueno. I had to steer a wide berth around the meat department at my local grocery store because the smell of fish made me sooooo sick.

#3 – The “Super Sniffer”

There's a scientific explanation, but I won't bore you with it. Simply put, when you're pregnant, everything, and I mean EVERTYTHING, smells more. You will think you've obtained the world's most useless superpower; super smell. And usually you will start gaining this “superpower” during the time you are battling with morning sickness. 

So that dude that bathes in cologne will make you wretch, your favorite foods will smell so strongly you may not be able to stand to eat them for a while, and you'll want to murder your significant other every time they fart. Best of all*, you'll start to smell...yourself. “Since when have my armpits smelled this bad, AFTER deodorant?” Or, even better, as you go to the bathroom “Ugh, my hoohah STINKS! Have it always smelled this bad? How can nobody else smell this? Ick!!”

*this is complete sarcasm, FYI

#4 – Stretching Ligaments

I first noticed ligament stretches in the form of pain in my abdomen. The first time it happened was frightening! It typically happens when you move, and the ligament stretches to make room for baby. Usually the pain doesn't last for long, and you do get used to it, but it can be scary the first time it happens if you don't know to expect it.

The other way you may notice stretching ligaments is in your feet. Ligament stretching is caused by those pesky little hormones, again. The hormones make your ligaments a little softer, so they stretch better to make room for baby. This is all well and good in your abdomen, where baby is. Unfortunately, hormones don't just target those ligaments. They affect ALL your ligaments. This is why a pregnant woman should not lift too much weight. Softened ligaments mean you are much more likely to injure your back than you would normally. Also, soft ligaments + weight on feet = growing feet, and the possibility of fallen arches. So more than likely you can kiss all your cute shoes good bye, because they'll never fit again...

#5 – Hair, Hair EVERYWHERE

You may have heard that prenatal vitamins are GREAT for your hair and nails. It's true, they are. But between the hormones raging through your body and the prenatal vitamins you will notice that it's not just your nails and the hair on your head that grows great. Leg hair and armpit hair grows at an astounding rate, and you will end up with thick, lush hair in places you NEVER wanted it on your body. If you're lucky, you'll just end up with a hairy butt. That's easy to hide. If you're unlucky, you'll end up with a hairy face. Much harder to deal with!

#6 – Random Disgusting bodily functions

Pregnancy is amazing. A completely new human life is growing inside of you. Pregnancy is also gross. Your body will involuntarily do things that are disgusting and/or embarrassing.

You will be gassy. The bigger the baby grows, the less room there is, and you'll find yourself releasing gas in the usual ways, only more frequently. And probably louder. You won't just burp. You'll belch. And if you have those certain special kind of friends (like I do), you'll garner applause. Your flatulence will be more frequent and inopportune. Move a certain way, or cough, or sneeze, and you may feel like you're trying to blow a hole in your pants.

Which brings another potentially embarrassing bodily function to mind. The more pregnant you get, the more coughs & sneezes frighten you. Because gas may not be the only thing to come out. There is a distinct possibility that you may pee your pants! Especially if your baby is going through a phase where they decide that right on top your bladder makes a FANTASTIC place to sleep.

If that isn't bad enough, at some point during your pregnancy you will battle with constipation. All the hormonal changes in your body affect the intestinal tract, making it easier to get backed up. That, plus room in your abdomen shrinking, can equal a very difficult time in the bathroom if you don't make fiber your friend!

#7 – Bloody noses

This is another fun thing caused by the extra blood & veins the body makes during pregnancy. Extra blood vessels grow in the nose, some of them too close to the nasal membrane, and next thing you know, bloody nose.

I'm one of those unlucky people who gets nosebleeds when my nose gets too dry. Usually it just makes me feel like I have a stuffy nose, instead of being like the stereotypical nosebleed where blood runs out your nose and down your face. However, being pregnant during the time I typically get my nosebleeds (winter) meant that I actually did have to deal with the stereotypical nosebleed. There were mornings where I woke up tasting blood because it ran down the back of my nose & down my throat. Which I suppose was better than waking up with blood all over my pillow & face. I just had to take the “wins” where they came, no matter how small.

#8 – Crazy, vivid dreams

Hormones, again, mess with the pregnant. Not only do hormones affect you physically, they affect you mentally. I never dreamed that I gave birth to a litter of kittens, like my mom did during one of her pregnancies, but I did dream I gave birth in an 1950's style hospital and that all the well-wishers from church who were visiting were annoying me to the point that I swore at them to get them to leave. And that's the most normal of the dreams I had. And each & every one felt entirely real while I was having them.

#9 – Itchy Belly & Boobs

I'm one of those unlucky people who has dry itchy winter skin, and that, combined with being pregnant meant the areas of my body that were growing exponentially, namely my belly & boobs, itched like CRAZY! And it typically got bad in situations where scratching would be socially unacceptable. Like at work. Doesn't matter that you're pregnant; you scratch your belly or boobs in public, you will generate stares!

#10 – Memory Loss & General “Dumbness”

While I've never had a fantastic memory, being pregnant wiped any semblance remembrance out of my life. If it weren't for my husband and writing notes & lists, I would have never got anything done, ever.

It was seriously so bad that if my head weren't attached to my body, I would've forgotten it. I was constantly losing or misplacing keys, cell phone, shoes. Fortunately, it got better after my baby was born!

#11 – Pelvic & Hip pain

As my pregnancy neared an end and my baby moved into the proper position for coming into the world things got very uncomfortable for me. My pelvis began to ache pretty much constantly, along with the occasional shooting pain as her head pressed into my bones. Soft ligaments, added weight and baby in my pelvis made my hips hurt. There were times where it felt like my legs would pop off at the hips like a broken Barbie doll, especially in the last couple weeks before I went into labor.

There you go!  A small, kind of personalized to me (sorry!) list of the things you never hear about pregnancy BEFORE you get pregnant.